Dog Granted Human-Level Intelligence in Experimental Procedure Requests, Forty-Six Minutes Later, That It Be Reversed
His first typed words, attending researchers reported, were 'I have made a serious mistake.'
Cat Granted Human-Level Cognition Declines Reversal, Files Twenty-Two-Page Memorandum on the Institute's Performance Instead
Her first typed words, attending researchers reported, were 'Please move the lamp.'
Einstein's Great-Great-Granddaughter Sues Every Physicist Since 1905 for Plagiarism
The complaint, which runs to 4,211 pages, names approximately 40,000 defendants and describes the entire field of modern physics as 'a group project where only one person did the work.'
Mathematician Unreasonably Annoyed by Misuse of the Word 'Infinite'
Dr. Prask said the word 'infinite' has a precise meaning that does not include the number of flavors at a frozen yogurt shop.
Most Americans Cannot Explain What Causes Gravity, BuzzFeed Poll Finds
Only 12 percent of respondents correctly identified the curvature of space-time, while 31 percent selected 'it's just how things work.'
Survey Finds Most Americans Believe Red, Yellow, and Orange Bell Peppers Are Simply Green Bell Peppers That Have Ripened
Researchers called the findings consistent with what they described as a 'catastrophic and ongoing failure of the produce aisle.'
Multiverse Researcher Finds That 95 Percent of People, if Raised in a Tribe of Cannibals, Would Become Cannibals
The remaining 5 percent, researchers noted, also exhibited dietary flexibility but were classified separately due to methodological constraints.
Annual Paleontology Symposium Opens With Land Acknowledgment to Dinosaurs
Organizers noted that dinosaurs occupied this land for approximately 165 million years before their concerns were formally recognized at an academic conference.
USDA Approves Commercial Cultivation of 'Cauliflower Ears,' a Corn-Cauliflower Hybrid That Has Alarmed Agronomists and Combat Athletes Alike
The vegetable, which resembles the cartilaginous deformity common among wrestlers and boxers, has been described by growers as 'deeply unsettling to look at' and 'nutritionally adequate.'