Public Biography
Dennis P. Hagerty is a 43-year-old resident of Paramus, New Jersey, who lives with his wife, Lori, in a split-level ranch on East Ridgewood Avenue. He works in an unspecified professional capacity and is known primarily for his involvement in two incidents related to residential bidet technology, both of which received coverage in The New York Time5.
On March 24, 2026, Mr. Hagerty was hospitalized in serious but stable condition after a Kohler AquaStream Pro 9000 bidet seat in his second-floor bathroom produced a water jet of sufficient force to perforate his lower abdomen. The device was operating within manufacturer-specified parameters at the time. He spent four days at Hackensack University Medical Center and made a full recovery. He asked, at the time, that the bidet be removed.
Twelve days later, he purchased a replacement bidet — a Toto Washlet C5 — and resumed use. His wife has described this decision as “the issue.”
Mr. Hagerty renovated his second-floor bathroom in early 2026, installing new tile, a new vanity, and a rainfall showerhead he has described to neighbors as “transformative.” He has expressed a commitment to personal hygiene that his wife has characterized as disproportionate to the complications it has introduced into their daily routine.
He is also known for asking his wife, during a moment of domestic tension, whether she has ever stood next to a distant wall and listened to the echo of her voice, a question she did not answer.