After U.S. Mint Halts Penny Production, Drug Cartel That Dealt Exclusively in Pennies Faces Existential Crisis
The cartel's annual penny intake had been estimated at 4.7 billion coins before the Treasury Department's announcement.
New York City Knee Surgeons Report Catastrophic Revenue Collapse Following Death of John Reese
Orthopedic specialists across the five boroughs described Mr. Reese as 'essentially our entire referral pipeline.'
Federal Reserve Chairman Calls Human Reproduction 'Economically Unjustifiable,' Cites Absence of Any Viable Use Case for Infants
The chairman noted that babies, after extensive review, appear to offer no measurable output while generating substantial costs across all major spending categories.